Author Archives: Alan Simmons

Off the cuff: The misleadings of our own understanding

Why should I go to church when it’s full of hypocrites?

In the last six days I have had this statement/question asked of me by two different people.  The first is my eighteen year old daughter; the other is a late twenty-something former student of mine who has kept in contact.  Both are Christians and both young ladies have had difficult lives to say the least.  Both want to do what is right and are looking for the sweet fellowship, support and love from brothers and sisters in Christ that we all need and desire.  Both are members of a church that for various reasons no longer offers that love, support, and fellowship to meet their needs.

Hannah, my eighteen year old daughter, recently told me that she no longer goes to church because the one she was going to is “full of hypocrites.”  She then told me that her pastor had an affair on his wife; for that reason, she was not going back to church but was going to read her Bible at home. She even added that no where in the Bible did it teach that one had to go to church.  She was totally unfamiliar with what the apostle Paul wrote: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching (Hebrews 10:25).

Monday morning, I ran into my former student at the post office in the town where I live.  As we exchanged pleasantries, she asked me if she could ask me a personal question – she asked what I thought she should do about going to church.  She told me that she did file for divorce in May 2012 from her husband of eleven months.  When she moved back home with her infant daughter, she began attending the church where she grew up.  She had sweet memories of what it was like when she was a child and wanted her daughter to be surrounded by that kind of warmth, support, and love.

Instead, she became an object lesson for her church, was asked not to participate in (or offer support to) certain church ministries.  She was further disheartened when another young woman, divorced since January, was asked to teach a vacation Bible School class; when she asked why the pastor or youth minister why she could not help, she was not told any reason except it was not her place to question the decisions of the church leadership.  She was not angry about it, just deeply hurt.  She told me that she was done with churches since there was obviously a perceived double standard.

As we talked for another ten minutes I was asked how I would have handled the situation – the rejection of service by the leadership of the church.  I shared with her an experience I had in 1996 – I had been married for three years and had been medically discharged from the U.S. Army in March of that year.  My wife left me to move in with her old high school boyfriend, taking my children with her.  At the time, I was the song leader of a small, independent Baptist church and because of what I was going through, I was asked to immediately resign all my positions within the church.  The pastor of the church did tell me why I could no longer serve; I was told that Jesus cannot use divorced people in the ministries of the church!  For the next handful of years I struggled with church attendance, “hypocrisy” of the church, and not trust[ing] in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding (Proverbs 3:5).

Living a life that reflects God’s plan (part 5)

FOR I AM NOW READY TO BE OFFERED, AND THE TIME OF MY DEPARTURE IS AT HAND. I HAVE FOUGHT A GOOD FIGHT, I HAVE FINISHED MY COURSE, I HAVE KEPT THE FAITH: HENCEFORTH THERE IS LAID UP FOR ME A CROWN OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, WHICH THE LORD, THE RIGHTEOUS JUDGE, SHALL GIVE ME AT THAT DAY: AND NOT TO ME ONLY, BUT UNTO ALL THEM ALSO THAT LOVE HIS APPEARING (II TIMOTHY 4:6-8).

This series has focused on how as Christians, we need to structure our lives around the things that God consider’s important and in the order he has prescribed for us.  God has to be our first priority, as discussed in the second installment of the series.  In the third and fourth installments God’s plan for married and unmarried adults was discussed.  Finally, we come to the last of the series and focus on what God says is the third most important part of our lives:  the raising, nurturing, and caring of children.

From the very beginning in the Garden of Eden, God’s plan was for married men and women to bear children (Genesis 1:7-8).  A few years back, former First Lady Hillary Clinton made a statement that the world has latched hold of: it takes a village to raise a child.  While this may be true to some extent, the child must also be raised in a home with a mother and father.  In the societies of modern Europe and America, we have been led to believe that children who are raised in single parent homes or in “non-traditional” families fare as well in life as those raised in two-parent homes. This is not God’s plan and has never been from the beginning.

Since the 1890s, as American society began rejecting the traditional family model and adopting the new worldly philosophies of child rearing, we have seen a gradual decline in morality and work ethics. Solomon, the author of the book of Proverbs, wrote that parents are to train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6). Simply put, teach a child the important things in life – how to behave, how to worship God, how to pray, be helpful to others, to be courteous and kind, to do their best in all that they do, and how to have a wholesome and rewarding fun time, and when they reach adulthood, they’ll carry those things with them long after the parents have journeyed on.  How you raise your children not only will be your short term reward but will be the legacy you leave behind.

Raising children also means raising them in the knowledge of how to worship and serve God.  Growing up, I did not have the benefit of a family that regularly went to church, prayed, or read the Bible.  When I was was saved in Perkinston, Mississippi, the church had no discipleship program for new Christians.  For nearly the first fourteen years of my Christian walk, I didn’t grow much, didn’t know much, and remained what the apostle Peter suggested, a “newborn babe” with little substance or evidence of my faith.

In Genesis there is a great illustration of how important the passing of properly worshiping God is in the life of our children.  We all know the story of Cain and Abel – both sons of Adam and both were offering a sacrifice to God.  While it is true that both men were offering the sacrifice of their own free will, there is an important question that must be asked:  why did Cain feel that his offering should have been accepted by God?  Although the scriptures do not indicate any reason why he should think any differently, notice that Abel offered a sacrifice that was accepted (Genesis 4:1-5).  The Bible does not tell us who taught these two men how to honor and worship God, but it is clear that these men learned from someone – the only people that could have taught them would be Adam and Eve.

Shortly after the fall of man, God made clothing of animal skins for Adam and Eve (Genesis 3:21).  I have heard many preachers and theologians state that it was at this point, God taught Adam, the spiritual head of the home, how to properly worship and prepare a sacrifice for God.  This instruction was to be passed on to each male child so that each would be able to make offerings and sacrifices to God; however, Cain never had it reinforced or corrected when he offered something that was not according to God’s plan.  As a child, he would have been “protected” by his father’s accountability to God; as a man, he would have been accountable to God for his own actions.

An important part of being a parent is to remember what David wrote about the value of children: Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward (Psalms 127:3). We live in a society that has placed a low regard for the life of its children.  Some estimate that there may have been over 50 million aborted American babies since 1963; a few estimates actually claim its in the neighborhood of 73 million. Children are seen as pawns in the chess-like battle of divorce where parents seek to punish their partner instead of considering the needs of their children.  Our educational system treats them as a number that leads to higher funding instead of bright minds eager to learn what is offered.  It is imperative that we see children for what they are: God’s blessing and gift to marriage.  Even Eve understood this as recorded in the book of Genesis: she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the LORD (Genesis 4:1).

Although this series focuses on family life, there is a divine order to the other things in life – after the family comes our job, our community/church service, and national service.  I think we have missed out on many blessings because we have put things in our personal lives and in society that simply are not worthy of the place or time we have assigned them.  Maybe, just maybe, we need to rethink what’s actually important.

Living a life that reflect’s God’s plan (Part 4)

For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand. I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing (II Timothy 4:6-8).

 In the previous installment of this series, the focus was primarily on how our spouses must be the second most important thing in our lives next to our personal relationship with God.  I briefly mentioned that for those that are not married, that according to the apostle Paul, their focus should be on the immediate family and the needs of the church.  It is important to include within this series a truth that’s not often preached upon but is much needed in the lives of those who are single, never married, divorced, or widowed:  God still desires your service!

Within our churches, adults that have never married and those who go through divorce, regardless of the reasons, often find themselves without opportunities for service.  As I went through my divorce, I found myself asked to step down from my role as song leader and Sunday school teacher.  I was even told that regardless of the reasons for the divorce, my Christian service was finished.  Nearly twenty years later, I have learned that it is simply not true.  Paul wrote that those who are married are not to seek to end the marriage and in the same sentence he ties it to the idea that those who are divorced are not to seek to be remarried (I Corinthians 7:27-28).  Instead of focusing on getting into another relationship, it is important to focus on our own healing and on serving God through the ministry of the church.

As did I, many Christians that go through a divorce find themselves feeling as if there are no places for us to serve within the local church.  Although divorce is the reason that one has become “loosed” it is not what should define that person.  It is the same with the single adult as well-intended and meaning friends (even members of the church) begin to wonder what is wrong with that person that has caused them to go unmarried; this also becomes an unneeded and unwarranted definition of single adulthood.

Our churches are full of adults that are single that have a sincere desire to serve God but with no opportunities to do so.  As I have found from experience and as sung by many in churches there’s a work for all to do.  Since adult singles do not have a spouse and may not have kids, their second priority is not their employment; their life’s second priority should be within their own families or to those within their local church.  Paul spends a great deal of time in his letters teaching the churches in Asia Minor that older men and women should teach the younger how to be good husbands and wives; he also teaches that the church needs to care for the aged, the widow, the poor, and the orphan.  Yes, a married person can do all those things, but as Paul wrote their focus should be on their spouse first (Titus 2:2-4; I Corinthians 7:34).

I stumbled upon this almost by accident when I went through my second divorce.  What I learned is that there are needs in every church that can be met and have the added benefit of being therapeutic for those that do them.  Take the time each week to mail a post card to the homebound of your church. Cook meals for those who are undergoing medical procedures, family difficulties, or homebound.  Visit church members that are in the hospital or take a shut in into town to the grocery store and maybe a quick bite to eat at a local restaurant. Volunteer to watch the children of a single parent; offer to babysit the children of a young couple for an afternoon.  The possibilities are endless, the need is great, and you will find yourself learning more about others and yourself than ever before.

Don’t forget the words of Jesus Christ on this very topic when he taught And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as you have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me (Matthew 25:40).