Focus on yourself. For many Christians, this very idea seems contrary to everything we know to be Christian. In the letters written to Paul, we are told to teach one another. In the book of Ezekiel, we are urged to be watchmen on the wall – warning of God’s impending judgment of sin. If we are supposed to do all of this, how can we not worry about others?

Setting ourselves as the top priority

Beginning with my early teenage years and extending into adulthood, I often worried about what others thought of me. As a result, I often found myself in places or situations where I didn’t want to be. Wanting to be liked by my new “friends” at college, I spent every night partying instead of studying and doing homework. Therefore, I sacrificed a full scholarship at the University of Southern Mississippi to study music to party every night.  Wanting to be seen as an adult by others, I married at twenty-three years old. That marriage ended three years later and set me on a path of self-loathing and hatred. And all because I thought more highly of what others thought of me than what I thought of myself.

We often neglect our spiritual health. Sometimes we become fixated on trying to control how others see us. When we need prayer, we often don’t ask for it because we fear being seen as weak. And other times, we hide from the Lord by keeping ourselves busy doing the Lord’s “work.” And if we are not careful, we will elevate our spiritual needs above the needs of others, which is also spiritually dangerous.

Jesus tells us to keep a proper focus.

As Christians, we hear all kinds of anecdotal stories and teachings of how we should put Jesus first, others next, and then ourselves last. But in the scriptures, there is a different and more profound order. We place Jesus first, then our own spiritual needs next. It is impossible to minister to the needs of others until we have the right mind and spirit. We are often led to believe we are selfish when we do seek to have our spiritual needs met first. It is a vicious cycle that caused me a lot of mental anguish until I began to grasp what the Bible teaches.

Fulfilling our spiritual needs looks different for each believer

One of the best-known stories of the New Testament is the rivalry between Mary and Martha. Consider this passage in John: There they made him a supper; and Martha served: but Lazarus was one of them that sat at the table with him. Then took Mary a pound of ointment of spikenard, very costly, and anointed the feet of Jesus, and wiped his feet with her hair: and the house was filled with the odour of the ointment (John 12:2-3). We see the story of two women, each seeking to have their spiritual needs met but in a different way.

Martha felt led to prepare and serve her Lord a meal. She needed to demonstrate her hospitality for the Lord’s approval. But Mary didn’t have that same spiritual need. Undoubtedly, if we consider the cost of her gift to the Lord, was priceless by market standards. Even Judas remarked of how foolish that offering made by Mary was. Jesus rebuked the scoffers and the scorners: Then said Jesus, Let her alone: against the day of my burying hath she kept this. For the poor always ye have with you; but me ye have not always (John 12:7-8). She had a spiritual need met by giving her most valued possession to the Lord at that moment.

Jesus expounds on this teaching moment

In the gospel of Luke, there’s a continuation of this story: But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me. And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her (Luke 10:40-42). Martha is upset and is complaining to Jesus about Mary’s lack of hospitality, choosing to wash Jesus’ feet instead of helping to prepare and serve a meal.

Martha expected Jesus to side with her. She believed being hospitable to the Lord and their guests were more important than what Mary felt she needed to do. Why? Because Martha thought her spiritual need was that important than what Mary was doing. Mary was wasting her money on a trivial thing. It was Martha’s need to be prepared for the meal, which was much more important to her.

Each of us is Martha and Mary

We all have this happen to us from time to time. Sometimes, we are Martha, demanding others do what we think is right only because it addresses our spiritual need. We can often become dismissive of the spiritual needs of others. And yes, like Martha, we can even hold our own spiritual needs above the needs of those around us. All Martha was doing for the Lord was good until her attitude towards Mary became the center of her focus. She began to resent Mary. Martha didn’t like that Mary didn’t have the same vision as hers. In her heart, she became dismissive of Mary’s desire to offer all she had of value to the Lord.

And sometimes we are Mary. We are doing what we need to have our spiritual needs met. It may not be breaking a bottle of perfume to anoint Jesus’ feet, but it may be fasting, prayer, taking on a project within the church, or even going to nursing homes to visit the elderly or anything else which gets laid on our heart by the Lord. And then Martha comes along to remind us how what we are doing isn’t as important as what they are doing. And they never forget to tell us of the help they need to accomplish their goal.

This is continued on the next page.