Category Archives: Relationships

Blogs in this category deal with relationships between ourselves and God, family members, other Christians, and the lost.

Don’t pass on hurt feelings

Posted on February 4, 2015 by | Comments Off on Don’t pass on hurt feelings

Financial_Distress_Prayer15Hurt feelings happen to everyone and there is no one immune from experiencing the sting of them. A careless act, word, or deed from a close friend or family member has the ability to set us on an emotional edge. Sometimes the hurt is unintentional and is simply an act of ignorance or not clearly thinking; however, there are other times the hurt is deliberate and intentional. Regardless of if the hurt was intentional or not, it still does not change that we were hurt. What becomes more important than why we were hurt is how we choose to respond to the hurt.

Hurt feelings can cloud our judgment

The apostle Paul wrote, Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath (Ephesians 4:26) and this is good advice. Wrath, mostly associated with extreme anger, is any intense emotion that brings us to the extent we begin to target others for retribution. Hurt feelings can lead to the development of wrath if we allow ourselves to hold on to them long enough. Hurt feelings can cloud our judgment in many ways, often lowering our inhibitions. Things we normally would not do suddenly can become appealing – especially if we believe they will help us get even with whomever we believe did us wrong. The longer we foster the hurt feelings, the harder it becomes to avoid the desires to “get even.” Being formally trained in the books of the Old Testament, I believe the apostle Paul was simply taking a couple of David’s verses to heart:  Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still. Selah (Psalms 4:4) and Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil. For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the LORD, they shall inherit the earth (Psalms 37:8-9). Just in these three verses there is so much wisdom given in how we are to handle hurt feeling.

When we feel that we’ve been wronged, our judgment becomes clouded as our fleshly nature begins to influence our thoughts. Again, Paul addresses our dual nature – the nature of Christ that dwells in us through the Holy Spirit and the fleshly nature that we were born with – That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness (Ephesians 4:22-24). The Holy Spirit, through the writings of Paul, is pleading with us to avoid doing the things that our flesh desires when our feelings have been hurt. Just as the Holy Spirit, through the writings of David, pleads with us to take our hurt feelings to the Lord, to commune – or share – our pain with Him, and allow Him to take care of it, the same Spirit pleads with us to put on our new nature and to forsake the old, sinful, and fleshly nature.

David wrote, fret not thyself in any wise to do evil (Psalms 37:8b) as a reminder that no matter how hurt we are we are not do evil to others, including the person or persons that hurt us. When we are living in the flesh it is easy to do just that. In fact, if we look at modern entertainment, there are hundreds of movies, television shows, and music that focus on some character getting even with someone else at any cost. I’ve taught at the college level now for nearly 12 years and am always amazed at how far some people will go to “get even” with someone else – all because they had their feelings hurt or were otherwise embarrassed. Again, David writes to us not to worry ourselves over getting even with those that have hurt us. As children of God, we are called to let Him handle these things; again, Paul highlights this very thought of God handling it as he wrote, Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good (Romans 12:17-21).

Taking our hurt to the Lord

One thing that is clear from the writings of Paul and David is that no matter how small or insignificant our hurt is, God does care. It takes a great act of faith to do what we know the Lord wants us to do. He wants us to share our hurt and our pain with Him. He wants us to let Him handle it, and He wants us to put our complete faith in Him. It’s difficult when you feel that someone has emotionally sucker-punched you to simply say “Lord, here’s how I am feeling and I give it to you…” and walk away. It takes real strength to say, “Lord, so-and-so did this and it really hurts; please help me deal with it…” and leave it in the Lord’s hands, but that is exactly what He expects us to do. The Bible teaches us that in times like these, we simply need to Be still, and know that I am God (Psalms 46:10a) and we need to remember  what Jesus taught: Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows (Matthew 10:29-31).

Within these posts I share with you, there is nothing discussed in them that I do not put into regular practice in my own life. A while ago, I had someone hurt me but instead of allowing myself to fester over it, I took it directly to the Lord. In my prayers to Him, I asked for the grace to forgive them and to not hold them to the hurt feelings they had caused me. I also asked the Lord to forgive them, and that I was going to let the entire event rest in the Lord’s hands. While I admit, in the past I have prayed a similar prayer when I’ve been hurt, this time I decided to really leave it in the Lord’s hands. Every time Satan stoked my fleshly nature, instead of dwelling on it, I would simply hand it back over to the Lord. What happened was that the Lord took away my feelings and gave me complete rest. Instead of worrying about it, I was able to find comfort and joy in obedience to the Lord.

I believe there are reasons why the Lord wants us to carry our hurts onto Him and not handling them ourselves. One of the main reasons that stands in my mind is that we only see one side of the equation. We may never know the reason that someone else said or did whatever it was that hurt us – perhaps it was something as simple as no real thought was put behind it to something as complex as them simply wanting to stir the pot. Whatever the reason is, we can only speculate and it is within our human nature to always look for the worst in other people when it comes to trying to rationalize what they did. Another reason is that we may not be their real target; Jesus taught If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you (John 15:18-19). We are as close to Jesus as they will ever get. The other reason is that the Holy Spirit may be working in the life of the person who has hurt us. They may be feeling hurt themselves, with the presence of the Holy Spirit bringing conviction into their life. We simply happen to be a target of opportunity.

In either of these cases, what would be accomplished by yielding to the flesh and getting even? If it is the Holy Spirit at work in the life of the person who has hurt us and we strike back at them, then we have successfully taught them that Christians are no better than those who are lost that need salvation. We have now hindered the work of the Holy Spirit in their lives and may be the reason they ultimately reject the gospel. If it is a word or deed that has been said or done out of simply not thinking, again I must ask, what have we accomplished? More hurt feelings? More strife between members of the family of God? More division within the church? I believe this is why Jesus taught, Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also (Matthew 5:38-39). It takes someone who walks close with the Lord to be able to turn the other cheek. It is the complete opposite of what our flesh wants to do but what joy and peace it brings when we simply take our hurts, from the small ones to the large ones, to the Lord.

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Posted in Chrisitian Philosophy, My Walk, Our relationship with God, Our relationship with others

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Personal evangelism: fruit we must bear

Posted on January 28, 2015 by | Comments Off on Personal evangelism: fruit we must bear

244_Paul_ApostlePersonal evangelism is simply described as the efforts of a Christian to share their faith in Jesus Christ with others. It should be easy for each of us, remembering the moment we accepted Jesus as our personal Lord and Savior, to share that moment with others. I remember my “moment” well; I was pulled off the side of the road at a three-way stop on the back side of the campus of Southern Illinois University when I told God I was tired of running, I was tired of feeling like my life didn’t matter, and I was tired of feeling empty. I told God I was a sinner and in need of his grace; I told the Lord that if He would accept me and forgive me, I would completely surrender my life to Him. Immediately I experienced a great psychological weight being lifted off me. As a Christian, I am sure you have experienced that same feeling and know exactly what I am talking about, yet why do we find it so hard to share that with others who need to hear it? Why aren’t we more concerned and burdened to be active in personal evangelism?

During the roughly three-year earthly ministry of Jesus, he taught: I am the true vine, and my Father is the husbandman. Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit. Now ye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me. I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing. If a man abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and men gather them, and cast them into the fire, and they are burned. If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you. Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples (John 15:1-8). In this verse, Jesus is identifying himself as the true vine. To completely understand what imagery that the Lord is using here, I would like to share what I learned a while back about grape vines.

About the true vine

When I was living in Louisiana, I rented a house that had three grapevines. Having never grown grapes before, I decided that the next time I went to the local plant nursery I would ask someone how I should care for these vines. What I learned was that grapevines are not like a peach tree. For a grapevine to produce the best fruit, they must be carefully maintained. The most important part of the grapevine is the “true vine” which is the main stem between the branches and the roots. During the early spring, as the vine emerges from winter hibernation, the vine must be dressed – any branch not having new growth or having growth that is irregular, must be removed. Once the vine begins to bloom, the branches must be dressed again, removing any branch that does not have blooms or having blooms that are irregular. By doing this, not only is the health of the “true vine” protected, but the vine will bear fully mature and developed fruit. Thinking about what Jesus is teaching about, I believe that the fruit that He wants us to bear is nothing other than the spreading and sharing of the gospel. Jesus wants us to become involved in personal evangelism; He wants us to bring others to Him.

Paul and personal evangelism

The apostle Paul understood this teaching of Christ and in his various letters to the churches, we see that the importance of personal evangelism is often written about. After becoming a Christian, the book of Acts records that Paul wasted little time in telling others about what Jesus had done for him: And straightway he preached Christ in the synagogues, that he is the Son of God. But all that heard him were amazed, and said; Is not this he that destroyed them which called on this name in Jerusalem, and came hither for that intent, that he might bring them bound unto the chief priests? But Saul increased the more in strength, and confounded the Jews which dwelt at Damascus, proving that this is very Christ (Acts 9:20-22). Even before he had been commissioned as a missionary by the assembly of Christians in Jerusalem, Paul was preaching what he knew about Christ – what Christ had done in his life. Many times Christians do not want to take part in evangelism, fearing they might mess up, get embarrassed, or any number of reasons. The truth is that all of us have a story to share of how the Lord reached down and touched our lives.  After Paul’s surrender to the Lord, he was used to bring the gospel to others in a way that Peter, John, and James were ill-suited to do. Paul was well learned and because of his demonstrated knowledge, was well suited to spread the gospel of Jesus in the Hellenized world of southern Europe and Asia Minor. Peter or James, a fisherman and the son of a carpenter, would have simply been rejected or ignored.

As Christians, each of us have differences in abilities, talents, and backgrounds. We all have the will of Jesus in common. Jesus desires us to bear fruit; He desires us to share what He has done for us with the lost. He has prepared each of us to be able to share the gospel with those whom we come into contact. If we will allow Him, He will prune us, cutting out the things in our lives that will distract us from bearing much fruit. He will allow us to grow, to develop, and to ripen to the point where our fruit becomes bringing others to Him so that they may come to know the Lord Jesus as their personal savior. Our efforts a personal evangelism do not have to be fancy. They just have to be sincere, show an understanding of God’s love and grace, to turn from sin, and the need to trust in Jesus as the only hope for Heaven. While it should always involve scripture, it also is a story that needs to be told from your heart, a personal story of how Jesus loves you. Are you ready to bear fruit for the Master? What good is a grapevine that doesn’t bear grapes? Does your life point the way to the true vine?

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Posted in Christian Living, Our relationship with God, Personal Evangelism

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Learning from the life of the apostle Paul

Posted on January 26, 2015 by | Comments Off on Learning from the life of the apostle Paul

apostle paulThe life of the apostle Paul serves as a model for Christians who want to develop a deeper and more sincere walk with the Lord. Paul’s writings are rich with insight that encourages, corrects, and teaches the basics of our Christian faith. The imagery used by the apostle Paul allows him to explain even the most difficult concepts in a manner where those who seriously desire a more fulfilling relationship with the Lord. Continuing from the most recent post, “The Greatest Race of Our Life“, we shared how that great follower of Christ had to come to the same point we all do – he had to recognize he was a sinner, he had to repent of his sins, and had to accept Jesus as his personal savior before he could be called into the ministry by the Lord.

Teaching Timothy what he knew

As Paul knew he was facing death, he wrote to Timothy, a younger-in-the-faith young man who had surrendered his life to serving the Lord. He had been called as a preacher, and Paul had taken Timothy under his tutorship to train him for the role in ministry that the Lord had set before him. In his second letter to Timothy, the apostle Paul wrote: I charge thee therefore before God, and the Lord Jesus Christ, who shall judge the quick and the dead at his appearing and his kingdom; Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine. For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears; And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables. But watch thou in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, make full proof of thy ministry. For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand. I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing (2 Timothy 4:1-8). Even during the lifetime of the apostle Paul, false teachings were already beginning to creep into Christianity.

In his letter to the Christians living in Jerusalem, the apostle Paul wrote, For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart (Hebrews 4:12). Paul chose his words to use a common item as a type of imagery to explain the power of the Word of God.  Paul chose to use this imagery for a couple of reasons, the first being that basic swordsmanship is a difficult skill to master. To become a true master of the sword, one had to know the parts, where the center of balance was, and had to spend considerable time familiarizing themselves with their weapon. The Roman soldiers of Paul’s era were true expert swordsmen and because of their training, could easily take on two to three less-experienced swordsmen. The Roman soldier’s knowledge of swordsmanship allowed the Roman Empire to expand and control much of the known world.

Paul’s own discipleship

The apostle Paul chose to use the sword’s imagery because as a Christian and a minister of the gospel of Jesus Christ, Paul could not be used by the Lord until he had mastered a basic understanding of the scriptures available and the teachings of Christ that were passed on by oral tradition during his days.  The book of Acts does provide the following account of the discipleship of Paul: But the Lord said unto him, Go thy way: for he is a chosen vessel unto me, to bear my name before the Gentiles, and kings, and the children of Israel: For I will shew him how great things he must suffer for my name’s sake. And Ananias went his way, and entered into the house; and putting his hands on him said, Brother Saul, the Lord, even Jesus, that appeared unto thee in the way as thou camest, hath sent me, that thou mightest receive thy sight, and be filled with the Holy Ghost. And immediately there fell from his eyes as it had been scales: and he received sight forthwith, and arose, and was baptized.   And when he had received meat, he was strengthened. Then was Saul certain days with the disciples which were at Damascus (Acts 9:15-19). Paul, out of obedience to the Lord, presented himself to Ananias, was baptized in obedience, and spend time in Damascus learning from the disciples – the same men that had walked alongside of the Lord Jesus Christ during His earthly ministry. Paul was not immediately sent out on a great missionary journey, or called to complete some great spiritual quest. The Lord, through the guidance of the Holy Spirit, led him to a place where he, too, could become a disciple of Christ.

Paul, after his salvation and dedication to follow God’s plan for his life, was like any young Christian that has just come to know the Lord. We notice that before Paul could proceed further in his Christian walk, he was baptized. Baptism does not save, and outside the four Gospels, there is no clearer picture of this than the book of Acts: And as they went on their way, they came unto a certain water: and the eunuch said, See, here is water; what doth hinder me to be baptized? And Philip said, If thou believest with all thine heart, thou mayest. And he answered and said, I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. And he commanded the chariot to stand still: and they went down both into the water, both Philip and the eunuch; and he baptized him (Acts 8:36-38). Baptism, as seen in this example, is the first step of discipleship. There’s nothing magical about it, it does not save. It symbolizes openly the change that has happened in our heart. We are publically identifying – without shame or reservation – the death, burial, and resurrection of the Lord Jesus. A Christian who is not baptized will not be able to complete the mission God has called them to do, or will not progress in their Christian life any further than a “Babe in Christ” until this is done.

Continued on next page.

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