Category Archives: Relationships

This picture is one that I took roughly eight years ago; I remember the morning I took it quite well. I had only been living in Carbondale, Illinois for five months when a fierce storm had come through on a Friday night in 2005.  From about half an hour before midnight until early Saturday morning there were repeated sirens going off as tornado warnings and thunderstorm warnings filled the night.  The next morning, about sunrise, I left my apartment and was greeted by this sunrise.  When I took the picture, I thought all that I was doing at the time was taking a picture of a beautiful sunrise.  I didn’t realize that this picture would become a constant reminder of God’s grace.

Earlier this past week I had an interview for a new position in Kansas City, Missouri.  Instead of listening to the music I brought with me, I decided to listen to local AM stations.  As I was passing through Mount Vernon, Illinois, I was able to catch a local church’s radio show.  Although I did not catch the name of the church, the radio show, or the pastor, the message was still one that I needed to hear.  He was teaching about the forgiveness and grace of God that as Christians, when we fail God and give into temptation, we can only restore the fellowship we have with God when we ask him for forgiveness, confess our sins – and forgive ourselves.  He started his sermon with what the apostle John wrote: If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (I John 1:9).  Although there was nothing new or different in his presentation of this message, it was putting it in the perspective that we can only enjoy the renewed fellowship with God if we forgive ourselves that caught me off guard.

As the preacher focused on the theme of forgiveness, he introduced the concept of God’s forgiveness of sin: And they shall teach no more every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the LORD: for they shall all know me, from the least of them unto the greatest of them, saith the LORD: for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more (Jeremiah 31:34).  God’s forgiveness, once granted, is permanent and complete.  When we ask God to forgive us and we sincerely seek his forgiveness, he does so in a manner that many of us can never fully understand.

Even the psalmist David tells us As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us (Psalms 103:12).  As Christians, each time we ask God for forgiveness, the story of the prodigal son becomes our story: And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son. But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet: And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry: For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry (Luke 15:21-24).  Just as in this beautiful picture of a father’s love, God is this father.  Just as the son in this story – he didn’t lose his life just as we do not lose our salvation when we stray – we create a situation where God can no longer protect us, provide for us, or even fellowship with us.  Just as this father rejoiced that forgiveness was requested and fellowship restored, our heavenly father similarly rejoices when we return to him.

The pastor also pointed out the teachings of Christ as recorded in the gospel of Luke: Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven (Luke 6:37) and again later in the same book: And forgive us our sins; for we also forgive every one that is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil (Luke 11:4). So often in the past as I have read those verses I understood and believed what I thought was the simple message of those verses – we are to forgive others in the manner we seek forgiveness from God.  If we begrudgingly forgive someone, have reservations and doubts in our hearts about their sincerity, or hold any malice towards someone that has asked us for forgiveness, we not only sin but we place ourselves in a position where God cannot bless us.  For those of us who strive to follow after our Lord Jesus Christ, we have learned, either by our own experiences or by just simple faith, that when we do forgive others who have wronged us, we experience a sense of relief and know that by forgiving unconditionally we are doing the will of God.

We forgive our spouses, our children, family members, coworkers, and friends.  Many of us begin praying for the other person after we feel that we’ve been wronged, often forgiving them before they even ask forgiveness of us.  When it comes to forgiving ourselves, we often fall way short.  Just as that preacher on the radio taught, if we take the scriptures that teach how and why we are to forgive others and apply them to ourselves, we fully begin to understand why we must be able to forgive ourselves and move on before fellowship with God can really be restored.  The apostle Paul wrote: Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice (Ephesians 4:31). Paul didn’t place limits on the objects of the bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour, and evil speaking; he said for us to put it all away – including the bitterness in our hearts when we will not forgive ourselves for our past, the sins we have committed, and for our lapses in sound judgment.  We cannot enjoy the forgiveness that God gives and the blessings of obedience while we continue to judge ourselves harshly and are unwilling to forgive ourselves.

Like all of Christ’s teachings, it is a simple teaching that if we truly grasp it and put it into practice it would profoundly change our lives.  When we continue to struggle with the guilt of sin we cannot enjoy the blessings that forgiveness brings.  There are two stories that bear witness to what can happen when we allow ourselves to accept God’s complete forgiveness without our own reservations of guilt – the woman at the well found in the fourth chapter of John and the woman caught in the act of adultery in the eighth chapter of John.  Both women not only accepted Christ’s forgiveness freely and completely, but they also allowed themselves complete forgiveness.  The woman cast at Jesus’ feet didn’t cry out “I don’t deserve your grace, I am an adulteress” and the woman at the well didn’t say “I don’t deserve your time, I am an adulteress.”  They accepted God’s forgiveness, his love, and enjoyed a time of sweet fellowship with the Lord. The same grace was present in Jesus’ teachings on the prodigal son; nowhere do we see the prodigal son crying “oh, father, I don’t deserve this feast, this welcome, or your forgiveness.  I am a lowdown disrespectful and unappreciative son…”  Instead what we see is a son asking for the father’s forgiveness and having fellowship restored and enjoyed without any reservation.

Christ’s teachings about our treatment of others is pretty simple: And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself (Matthew 22:39).  If we take that word love and apply everything that the Lord Jesus Christ has told us to do for others, we begin to see that the theme of forgiving one’s self is extremely important – if we are willing to forgive others unconditionally then we must be ready to forgive ourselves unconditionally.  This does not mean we should forget that which we have asked God for forgiveness, but it does mean that once we have sincerely asked God for forgiveness for that incident we should accept the forgiveness unconditionally and completely. When we do not accept the forgiveness, we allow Satan to intensify our ordeal and much like that storm in 2005, the winds of doubt wail around us, the lightening of anger fills our hearts, and the rains of uncertainty and condemnation fills our hearts and minds.  When we accept God’s complete and unconditional forgiveness and allow forgiveness to fill our hearts, just like the sunrise on that Saturday morning, we get to enjoy the peace that only the Lord Jesus Christ can give.

This is something I am still learning to do – to forgive myself.  It’s not easy, but I do know that it is important for my continued spiritual growth and Christian service.  Because of the limited range of the AM radio station, I never heard the end of the preacher’s particular lesson on Wednesday afternoon, but what I did hear served to remind me of the importance and need to truly accept God’s gift of unconditional forgiveness – and allow ourselves to forgive also.