Tag Archives: Ephesians

Don’t pass on hurt feelings

Posted on February 4, 2015 by | Comments Off on Don’t pass on hurt feelings

Financial_Distress_Prayer15Hurt feelings happen to everyone and there is no one immune from experiencing the sting of them. A careless act, word, or deed from a close friend or family member has the ability to set us on an emotional edge. Sometimes the hurt is unintentional and is simply an act of ignorance or not clearly thinking; however, there are other times the hurt is deliberate and intentional. Regardless of if the hurt was intentional or not, it still does not change that we were hurt. What becomes more important than why we were hurt is how we choose to respond to the hurt.

Hurt feelings can cloud our judgment

The apostle Paul wrote, Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath (Ephesians 4:26) and this is good advice. Wrath, mostly associated with extreme anger, is any intense emotion that brings us to the extent we begin to target others for retribution. Hurt feelings can lead to the development of wrath if we allow ourselves to hold on to them long enough. Hurt feelings can cloud our judgment in many ways, often lowering our inhibitions. Things we normally would not do suddenly can become appealing – especially if we believe they will help us get even with whomever we believe did us wrong. The longer we foster the hurt feelings, the harder it becomes to avoid the desires to “get even.” Being formally trained in the books of the Old Testament, I believe the apostle Paul was simply taking a couple of David’s verses to heart:  Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still. Selah (Psalms 4:4) and Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil. For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the LORD, they shall inherit the earth (Psalms 37:8-9). Just in these three verses there is so much wisdom given in how we are to handle hurt feeling.

When we feel that we’ve been wronged, our judgment becomes clouded as our fleshly nature begins to influence our thoughts. Again, Paul addresses our dual nature – the nature of Christ that dwells in us through the Holy Spirit and the fleshly nature that we were born with – That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness (Ephesians 4:22-24). The Holy Spirit, through the writings of Paul, is pleading with us to avoid doing the things that our flesh desires when our feelings have been hurt. Just as the Holy Spirit, through the writings of David, pleads with us to take our hurt feelings to the Lord, to commune – or share – our pain with Him, and allow Him to take care of it, the same Spirit pleads with us to put on our new nature and to forsake the old, sinful, and fleshly nature.

David wrote, fret not thyself in any wise to do evil (Psalms 37:8b) as a reminder that no matter how hurt we are we are not do evil to others, including the person or persons that hurt us. When we are living in the flesh it is easy to do just that. In fact, if we look at modern entertainment, there are hundreds of movies, television shows, and music that focus on some character getting even with someone else at any cost. I’ve taught at the college level now for nearly 12 years and am always amazed at how far some people will go to “get even” with someone else – all because they had their feelings hurt or were otherwise embarrassed. Again, David writes to us not to worry ourselves over getting even with those that have hurt us. As children of God, we are called to let Him handle these things; again, Paul highlights this very thought of God handling it as he wrote, Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good (Romans 12:17-21).

Taking our hurt to the Lord

One thing that is clear from the writings of Paul and David is that no matter how small or insignificant our hurt is, God does care. It takes a great act of faith to do what we know the Lord wants us to do. He wants us to share our hurt and our pain with Him. He wants us to let Him handle it, and He wants us to put our complete faith in Him. It’s difficult when you feel that someone has emotionally sucker-punched you to simply say “Lord, here’s how I am feeling and I give it to you…” and walk away. It takes real strength to say, “Lord, so-and-so did this and it really hurts; please help me deal with it…” and leave it in the Lord’s hands, but that is exactly what He expects us to do. The Bible teaches us that in times like these, we simply need to Be still, and know that I am God (Psalms 46:10a) and we need to remember  what Jesus taught: Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows (Matthew 10:29-31).

Within these posts I share with you, there is nothing discussed in them that I do not put into regular practice in my own life. A while ago, I had someone hurt me but instead of allowing myself to fester over it, I took it directly to the Lord. In my prayers to Him, I asked for the grace to forgive them and to not hold them to the hurt feelings they had caused me. I also asked the Lord to forgive them, and that I was going to let the entire event rest in the Lord’s hands. While I admit, in the past I have prayed a similar prayer when I’ve been hurt, this time I decided to really leave it in the Lord’s hands. Every time Satan stoked my fleshly nature, instead of dwelling on it, I would simply hand it back over to the Lord. What happened was that the Lord took away my feelings and gave me complete rest. Instead of worrying about it, I was able to find comfort and joy in obedience to the Lord.

I believe there are reasons why the Lord wants us to carry our hurts onto Him and not handling them ourselves. One of the main reasons that stands in my mind is that we only see one side of the equation. We may never know the reason that someone else said or did whatever it was that hurt us – perhaps it was something as simple as no real thought was put behind it to something as complex as them simply wanting to stir the pot. Whatever the reason is, we can only speculate and it is within our human nature to always look for the worst in other people when it comes to trying to rationalize what they did. Another reason is that we may not be their real target; Jesus taught If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you (John 15:18-19). We are as close to Jesus as they will ever get. The other reason is that the Holy Spirit may be working in the life of the person who has hurt us. They may be feeling hurt themselves, with the presence of the Holy Spirit bringing conviction into their life. We simply happen to be a target of opportunity.

In either of these cases, what would be accomplished by yielding to the flesh and getting even? If it is the Holy Spirit at work in the life of the person who has hurt us and we strike back at them, then we have successfully taught them that Christians are no better than those who are lost that need salvation. We have now hindered the work of the Holy Spirit in their lives and may be the reason they ultimately reject the gospel. If it is a word or deed that has been said or done out of simply not thinking, again I must ask, what have we accomplished? More hurt feelings? More strife between members of the family of God? More division within the church? I believe this is why Jesus taught, Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also (Matthew 5:38-39). It takes someone who walks close with the Lord to be able to turn the other cheek. It is the complete opposite of what our flesh wants to do but what joy and peace it brings when we simply take our hurts, from the small ones to the large ones, to the Lord.

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When God uses others to teach us

Posted on January 7, 2015 by | Comments Off on When God uses others to teach us

God uses othersEvery Christian has experienced what today’s post is about. God uses others to teach us important lessons about our faith, about ourselves, and about others around us. There are times when we will be the one that God uses to teach others. In either case, we must be ready to listen to the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and to seek out what it is that the Lord wants us to learn. The apostle Paul, a person that the Lord still uses to teach Christians about the faith, wrote: Let him that is taught in the word communicate unto him that teacheth in all good things. (Galatians 6:6). In the end, with every lesson that is taught to us, the Lord will always get the glory.

God will often bring people in our lives for us to gain some understanding about ourselves, our relationship with the Lord, and our relationship with others within the body of believers. According to various research groups, roughly 85% of all people are visual learners. Yes, they may read about something, but real understanding comes from watching. They need to be shown for the lesson to become real and to truly understand what the Lord is teaching. I think what the apostle Paul wrote, And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works (Hebrews 10:24) actually fits into this area nicely. No person who ever accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior ever learned how to minister and teach others immediately after they were saved. We can, however,  learn what it means to truly minister to other people by watching how older-in-the-faith Christians minister to others. By watching them, we are being provoked to do the same good works, just as the apostle Paul wrote.  No one instantly knows how to be a servant of Christ simply because they have accepted the Lord Jesus Christ. It is learned behavior.

Paul also writes that as Christians, we have an obligation to teach other Christians that may not be as mature in their faith the things that we understand. He wrote, Now we exhort you, brethren, warn them that are unruly, comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all men (1 Thessalonians 5:14). Exhort means to encourage or to teach through encouragement. Again, we are to minister to the needs of others by teaching those who may not be as strong in the faith as we are, or who may not fully understand how they are to behave as Christians. we must be ready at any time to teach the things that we know about the Lord to others without stumbling or confusion. There are those who we will come across in our lives who are saved but may have not developed a close relationship with the Lord or those who are lost that the Holy Spirit has been ministering to bring them to salvation. When we are asked questions about our faith, we are placed in a teaching position: But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear (1 Peter 3:15) Just as God uses others to teach us, God will also use us to teach others.

There are several places within the writings of Paul where he encourages those who are more mature in the faith to become teachers of those who are still young. In his letters to Timothy, Paul encourages him to accept the responsibility of teaching what he understands about his faith. Paul writes in his first letter: If thou put the brethren in remembrance of these things, thou shalt be a good minister of Jesus Christ, nourished up in the words of faith and of good doctrine, whereunto thou hast attained. But refuse profane and old wives’ fables, and exercise thyself rather unto godliness. For bodily exercise profiteth little: but godliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come. This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptation. For therefore we both labour and suffer reproach, because we trust in the living God, who is the Saviour of all men, specially of those that believe. These things command and teach (1 Timothy 4:6-11). In several verses of his second letter to Timothy, Paul continues to encourage him: And the things that thou hast heard of me among many witnesses, the same commit thou to faithful men, who shall be able to teach others also (2 Timothy 2:2) and And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient (2 Timothy 2:24). Not only does Paul encourage Timothy to teach others, but he reminds Timothy to be patient and to teach others so that they will be able to go out and teach what he teaches them.

When we are led learn, we must realize that we are not to discard the person teaching us because they do not fit into what we think they should look like. The Lord is very clear that those who will teach us may not come from a position of authority above us, but may come from among us, or maybe in a position subservient to us. He also clearly teaches us that when it comes to the leading of the Holy Spirit, those who teach us may even be younger than us, which is not what many people expect. Even Job found this out the hard way in the form of a rebuke from a young servant boy: And Elihu the son of Barachel the Buzite answered and said, I am young, and ye are very old; wherefore I was afraid, and durst not shew you mine opinion. I said, Days should speak, and multitude of years should teach wisdom. But there is a spirit in man: and the inspiration of the Almighty giveth them understanding (Job 32:6-8). Paul even waned Timothy not to allow people to discredit his message because of his age: Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity (1 Timothy 4:12). He also instructed Timothy to not consider social status when teaching others: And they that have believing masters, let them not despise them, because they are brethren; but rather do them service, because they are faithful and beloved, partakers of the benefit. These things teach and exhort (1 Timothy 6:2).

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When others minister to us

Posted on January 5, 2015 by | Comments Off on When others minister to us

helping-handFor me, one of the hardest things I have had to do in my walk with the Lord is to accept it when He uses others to minister to my needs. I am pretty sure that I am no different from anyone else when it comes to accepting help. One of the hardest things to do is to allow others to minister to us, especially when it is within our own family or church family. There are times we will need others to minister to us, and we must be willing to allow ourselves to be ministered to. The same verses that we, as Christians, use to show the need to minister to others actually show the attitude we should have when others minister to us.

Accepting help from others

When others minister to us, we should realize that their help comes at the leading of the Holy Spirit and is an act of obedience on their part, as the Holy Spirit directs. We must give thanks to the one ministering to us and to the Lord for the blessings we gain. The apostle Paul explained this to the Christians living in Thessalonica, In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you (1 Thessalonians 5:18). Sometimes it is difficult to be thankful when we receive a blessing at the hands of someone within our family or church. It is hard to admit that we couldn’t take care of a problem or issue ourselves; while it is easy to pray to the Lord about those needs, it is quite another to accept the Lord’s provisions especially when it comes at the hands of someone else. We should take on a spirit of genuine thankfulness from the heart; not fake or based on deceit. Paul also wrote to the Christians in Ephesus, Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ (Ephesians 5:19-20). When others minister to us, we should not seem callous, or dismissive of their efforts. We should also genuinely be thankful to the Lord and not be dismissive over the Lord’s blessings.

No one understood this better than the apostle Paul; before his conversion to Christianity he had been part of the Sanhedrin council. He shared that part of his testimony in his writings and in his speeches: But when Paul perceived that the one part were Sadducees, and the other Pharisees, he cried out in the council, Men and brethren, I am a Pharisee, the son of a Pharisee: of the hope and resurrection of the dead I am called in question (Acts 23:6), Which knew me from the beginning, if they would testify, that after the most straitest sect of our religion I lived a Pharisee (Acts 26:5), and Circumcised the eighth day, of the stock of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, an Hebrew of the Hebrews; as touching the law, a Pharisee (Philippians 3:5). As a Pharisee, he never had to worry about his physical needs being met. But when he became a Christian and fully accepted the Lord’s plan for his life, he no longer had access to the financial resources he once had. His role as a missionary prevented him from working so he had to wholly depend on the Lord to provide for his needs. I can imagine that at times Paul felt ashamed and embarrassed that in his newfound faith he was humbled and had to depend on the Lord for everything where before, as Pharisee, he never had a want or a need that he could not meet on his own.

One of the hardest things that we have to do as Christians is to learn how to receive answers to our prayers and needs at the hands of others. Again, the writings of Paul gives us an insight to how he approached being thankful for what others did do for him. He wrote to the Christians in Colossus and to those in Thessalonica, We give thanks to God and the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, praying always for you (Colossians 1:3), and We give thanks to God always for you all, making mention of you in our prayers (1 Thessalonians 1:2). As a missionary, Paul is demonstrating the attitude of gratitude we are to have towards others. We are to give thanks to the Lord when others minister to us. The Lord moves in the hearts of His children and will use our brothers and sisters in Christ to minister to us. As mentioned earlier, the apostle Paul, a missionary, often depended on the gifts and the ministering of others in support of his ministry.

There are times in our own life where we will have a real need – maybe it is a physical need, maybe it is a need for encouragement, or maybe it is just knowing that someone else is praying for us. God uses His children to minister to the needs of others; He uses others to minister to us. It is important for us to remember that we see throughout the New Testament a principle of people and churches moving, as the Holy Spirit leads, to meet the needs of others who are hurting or are in need: Then the disciples, every man according to his ability, determined to send relief unto the brethren which dwelt in Judaea (Acts 11:29). Again, Paul wrote on this very subject to the Christians living in Rome: For it hath pleased them of Macedonia and Achaia to make a certain contribution for the poor saints which are at Jerusalem. It hath pleased them verily; and their debtors they are. For if the Gentiles have been made partakers of their spiritual things, their duty is also to minister unto them in carnal things (Romans 15:26-27) and Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another; 13Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality (Romans 12:10 & 12:13). Paul is writing about the emerging characteristics of Christians – which are the same characteristics that we see today. Our churches are filled with women and men who are eagerly waiting for the opportunity to be a blessing to others.

Don’t question the motives

By nature, I am a cynical person. I was not raised in a Christian home and for much of my time in the military, I worked in the military justice field. Both of these influenced the outlook I have held for so long. I’m not proud of this and it is something that I pray that the Lord will help me overcome on a daily basis. While it is not as bad as it once was, I have a problem questioning the motives of others, especially when they’ve done something that ministers to a need. Before I began to ask the Lord to help me in this, I would easily assign them hidden motives of trying to atone for guilt, trying to buy my friendship, or whatever motive my mind could come up with.

I never understood how bad this habit had become it was until one afternoon in 2007, I felt the Lord moving within my heart. There was a family in our church that had fallen on hard times and the Lord had laid on my heart to buy them some groceries and to pay their utility bill. I went to the city hall and paid the utility bill, which was easy enough. I went to Kroger, bought the basic groceries I could think of that a family of five would use, and went by their house and put them on the front porch of the family’s house. The next Sunday, I was approached by the gentleman and was asked all the things I normally muttered to the Lord in private – why did I do that? What was I expecting in return? How much was it going to cost him? At that point, I saw myself for what I was in the situations I similarly experienced in the past; by my very nature and mindset, I was unthankful, I was full of pride, and I was unwilling to be genuinely thankful when the Lord used others to minister to me. Just then, it hit me that from that point forward, I should never question the motives of someone that seeks to be a blessing to me out of obedience to the Lord; instead I needed to remember the words of Jesus: And whosoever shall give to drink unto one of these little ones a cup of cold water only in the name of a disciple, verily I say unto you, he shall in no wise lose his reward (Matthew 10:42). Even if their reason for helping us is simply “doing it because it is what the Bible teaches…” we are to be accepting of their efforts because the Lord has told them that just offering us a hand because it is what they’ve been taught to do as a Christian is still doing it for the right reason. James wrote, If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food, And one of you say unto them, Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit? Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone (James 2:15-17). Just as when we are moved by the Holy Spirit to meet the needs of others and we understand that it is the demonstration of our faith in the Lord Jesus Christ to help others, when others reach out to minister to us, they are also are acting out of their faith in the Lord. And for that, we must recognize their living faith and a tender heart and rejoice and give thanks to them and to the Lord for meeting our needs.

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